


Not In Love

by explosim



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Blow Jobs, Emotionally Reflective Midorima, Established Relationship, M/M, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-10 00:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explosim/pseuds/explosim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew he was a difficult person. He knew how hard he was to get along with. And yet, here Takao was, living, breathing, existing next to him. Groaning every morning when they had to get up, burning his tongue on his coffee even though he had warned him it was hot, sending him annoying texts all throughout the day, smiling like he was actually glad to see him when he got home, whispering his full name, Shintarou, while they were in bed, only for him to hear.</p><p>He slid his hand over and wrapped it around Takao's body, shuffling down to place his head over his heart. Ear pressed to the soft firm skin he listened carefully to the steady beats. They grounded him. Kept his mind from wandering, from distracting him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not In Love

**Author's Note:**

> somewhat aromantic!Midorima trying to figure out his feelings and Takao being the most amazing person in the universe
> 
> extremely self-indulgent (i'd rather make my otp deal with things than confront them myself)

Midorima turned to his right and observed Takao's calm, quiet form. They were both curled on their sides, facing each other, but only Midorima was unable to find sleep.

Takao looked so beautiful when he slept. That big obnoxious smile of his was gone but there were still laugh lines etched into the skin around his mouth, faint lines branching from the corner of his eye, a tiny indent caused by him frowning in his sleep.

Midorima wanted to touch them. Lightly trail his fingers down the bridge of his nose, over his eyelids, his lips-

He lifted his left hand and gently caressed Takao's cheek, stroking his rough fingers over the soft smooth skin. He trailed his index finger up the side of Takao's face, tracing over his cheekbone and under his eye before reaching his brow and working his way back down along his nose.

Was it wrong of him to do this? Wrong of him to want this so badly? He couldn't help but feel a sense of unease with himself. With his thoughts. That he would enjoy this _so much._ There was no rush. No place to be or things to do. No desperate need to get off. It was just the two of them. Alone in the calm quiet darkness only felt when everyone else was asleep.

Takao was asleep. _He_ should be asleep. He should stop this nonsense and go to bed. Stop touching him. Stop _looking_ at him. Stop _thinking_ about all the dirty, uncivilized, and _inappropriate_ _things_ he wanted to do and _turn away._

He was stronger than this. He was calm and in control and he was going to _turn away right now and sleep it off._

His finger rested on the seam of Takao's lips, pushing softly on the plump skin. He was about to move it when Takao let out a short huff, tongue quickly darting out as he muttered a small, “Shin-.”

Midorima was frozen in place. He should move his finger. The finger Takao had just _licked._ He should move it, and roll over, and pretend to be asleep, and -

Takao rolled onto his back, kicking off the sheets, “Hot,” he breathed out. Midorima snatched his hand away before he realized that Takao was merely talking in his sleep. His heart pounded an erratic beat against his ribcage as he tightly clenched his hands at his sides, rolling onto his back as well.

Deep breaths, he told himself. In for four, out for four. You aren't performing a surgery, there is nothing to be nervous about. You were just touching Takao. Your partner. He touches you all the time. It's no big deal.

 

But it _was_ a big deal because he had never done this before. Never touched Takao without him knowing. Never had thoughts about doing _more_ than simply touching while the other slept on.

He turned his head to the side, taking in Takao's slightly blurry profile. The way his hair messily fanned across the pillow, the soft curve of his nose, the steady _up and down_ motion of his chest expanding and deflating with each breath.

 

Midorima rolled back onto his side and softly placed his hand over Takao's heart.

His skin was warm.

He watched, fascinated, as the faint tremors travelled through his palm. Felt the fast beat of his heart mixed with the slow rise and fall of his lungs. An overwhelming sense of fondness came over him.

He knew he was a difficult person. He _knew_ how hard he was to get along with. And yet, here Takao was, living, breathing, _existing_ next to him. Groaning every morning when they had to get up, burning his tongue on his coffee even though he had warned him it was hot, sending him annoying texts all throughout the day, smiling like he was actually glad to see him when he got home, whispering his full name, _Shintarou,_ while they were in bed, only for him to hear.

He slid his hand over and wrapped it around Takao's body, shuffling down to place his head over his heart. Ear pressed to the soft firm skin he listened carefully to the steady beats. They grounded him. Kept his mind from wandering, from distracting him.

 

Midorima was confused.

Confused and more than a little terrified.

He breathed in and out, trying to synchronize it with Takao's.

 _Ironic_ , he thought to himself, _seeing as he's the source of all my discomfort._

Takao has always been a source of discomfort for Midorima. At first he was too persistent. Too loud, too annoying, and had something of a knack for completely disregarding Midorima's personal space.

But over time more things were added to that list: too optimistic, too kind, too thoughtful, energetic, insightful, strong, beautiful; none of which he could bring himself to dislike.

 

And so there it was: he liked Takao.

As a friend. One of the very few he had ever had.

But only as a friend.

Because that's what Midorima _did._

He liked people, if at all, as friends, and that was it.

 

He had never been in love. Never even entertained the idea of being in love because he _just didn't feel it_ and it was more than likely that he never would.

Takao knew this when they moved in together. When Midorima sat him down, lucky item present again after almost two years without, and explained that, yes, he liked him too, quite a lot actually, but probably never as much as Takao liked him. That, if they went through with this, then the only thing changing would be the physical aspect because he had tried and tried but he just couldn't feel anything romantically.

And then he apologized. Told Takao that he was sorry that he was messed up in the head, sorry that he couldn't reciprocate, that he should have realized it sooner so that he wouldn't have wasted his time on someone as useless as him.

Takao had punched him then. Right on his cheekbone and it hurt for days.

That was also the first time Takao had truly yelled at him and Midorima couldn't be more grateful.

He was soft at first, telling Midorima that there was _nothing_ wrong with him and that if he wanted this at all then they could make it work because _that's what they did._ _T_ _ogether._ But if he didn't then it was fine and he would respect that so long as Midorima didn't blame himself.

But Midorima did blame himself because a part of him really did want this relationship but he didn't want to drag Takao into something that would make him unhappy. Because he deserved someone better, someone who was normal and could give him all that he would need.

That's when the yelling started. Takao called him an idiot and and said, _of course you're not normal. I'm not normal. There_ _IS_ _no fucking normal and as long as we're both interested we're gonna find a way to make this work because_ _I seem to have fallen for you at some point over these past seven years and you find me a heck of a lot more tolerable than other people and I'd really like to give this a shot._

He then proceeded to make lists for the next hour and a half. A list of things he shouldn't do, a list of things Midorima couldn't _emotionally_ do, and a list of things they were willing to try.

And when they were finished Takao got up, threw the stuffed snail that was his lucky item for the day across the room, and gave him a hug; the first thing on the 'willing to try' list.

He'll never remember how long they sat there for, wrapped up in each other, silently saying everything and nothing all at once. He does remember, however, how warm it felt. How safe and content he felt, he still feels, even after three years, whenever Takao hugs him.

 

He's not in love with Takao though.

Even after so long he still can't bring himself to do certain things.

 

And Takao respects that. He hasn't once tried to kiss him on the mouth since Midorima accidentally let it slip that he found the act mildly repulsive. There are days in which Midorima's stiff and unresponsive and he doesn't touch him at all until Midorima initiates it. Nights offered to spend on the couch and weeks without sex.

 

He may not be _in_ love with Takao, but he would be a fool not to admit that he loves him. Loves him as much as he possibly can with that messed up heart of his.

His absolute favourite thing to do, though he would never admit it, is to make Takao smile.

Not that large, blindingly beautiful one he throws around without care, but the small, secret, _happy_ one he only makes when Midorima does something special. Like when they're sitting on the couch and Midorima shuffles closer, maybe even links their hands together. Or when they're leaving for work in the morning and Midorima presses a kiss to his forehead or cups his face and runs his thumb across his cheek.

They're nerve-wracking things, sometimes done in mild confusion as he thinks to himself _why am I doing this,_ but they make Takao happy, which, in turn, makes him feel good and so he continues to do them.

 

Midorima trailes his fingers down Takao's stomach, pushing lightly into the skin on each inhale.

He's just so unbelievably _fond_ of Takao and he wishes there was a way to let him know. Wishes he was able to just _tell him_ like everyone else does.

 

He sighs and presses a light kiss to his chest, thinking of how much easier it is to do when Takao's asleep.

 

Running his hand over the small bulge in Takao's boxers, he hears a sigh being released. He doesn't know what Takao's dreaming of but assumes it's entertaining from the slight twitch of his hips.

He delicately traces the outline of his dick, watching as the fabric jerks and slowly begins to stretch tighter.

He wants to make Takao feel good. Almost as good as he makes _him_ feel, but in the only way he's somewhat confident with.

He pushes the boxer briefs down and slowly rolls his balls between his fingers. They're soft, and they're squishy, and they're _Takao's_ so he doesn't even care.

He moves his hand to the base of his cock, pumping it gently as he listens to Takao's heart rate increase.

 

He began to wonder what Takao would do, if he woke up and found Midorima touching him like this. If he looked down and saw a mop of green hair fanned over his chest, felt Midorima's semi pressed against his thigh, _felt Midorima's dry rough hand wrapped around his dick, twisting and pulling along his shaft delicately._

It was good, but it wasn't enough. The past week had been rough for him, and by extension, Takao. He wanted to say thank you. Show his appreciation, _reward him._

Above him Takao grunted softly.

 _Lube would make things easier_ , Midorima thought to himself. But he didn't quite feel like getting up to find it.

Instead, he moved down the bed to crouch between Takao's legs. A blow job it was, then. He breathed out a few times, letting his hot breath wash over the twitching dick before he licked its side, from the base to the very tip.

 

Takao made a small choked noise, still lost in sleep.

Swirling his tongue around the tip, he collected the precome, nipping and licking at the head.

He could actually _see_ the rise and fall of Takao's chest, even without his glasses. He wondered if it was wrong of him, to actually _want_ Takao to wake up. To see him settled between his legs, using his hands and mouth to pleasure him after a week of barely any contact.

 

Midorima sank down on Takao's cock, engulfing it in the wet heat of his mouth.

He hoped Takao would enjoy it. Realize how much Midorima needed it, how much he needed to say _thank you_ -

Takao moaned. Deep and low that reverberated throughout his chest. His hands grabbed at the bedsheets, clenching them tightly in his fists but he was _still sleeping._

Midorima groaned around his cock, slowly working it deeper with each bob of his head.

 

He found out early on in their relationship that he actually didn't mind this. The large hot object filling his mouth, the slow drag of delicate skin over his tongue, the methodical up and down motion of his head. There was no focus placed on him. No need to check with his emotions, constantly evaluate his facial expressions, and regulate how intimate things were getting. There was only the wet slide of his mouth over Takao's dick, perhaps small grunts when he took it too deep. And Takao, when he was awake, was usually too distracted to string together more than three words. But he'd whine and pant breathlessly as he tried desperately to stay as still as possible.

Midorima loved the moments when he was too lost to care though. When he was so consumed with pleasure that his hips had to be physically held down and restrained. Those moments meant he was doing it right. That he was making Takao feel as good as he did when Takao acknowledged and respected his boundaries. All the time, basically.

He swallowed around Takao's dick, taking the entire thing in his mouth and holding it there for as long as he could. Above him Takao let out a small shout of surprise and Midorima glanced up to find a pair of large eyes looking down at him. So he was finally awake.

 

He pulled off slowly, sucking as he let the hard flesh drag bit by bit over his tongue before releasing it. He couldn't see, but he was almost certain Takao's pupils were blown wide.

“Shintarou,” he gasped, “what are you-”

Midorima maintained eye contact as he sank back down on his dick, licking and sucking along the shaft.

Takao's body shook as he threw his head back, fingers spasming against the sheets as his head pushed into the pillows.

Midorima moaned in pleasure as Takao's hips thrust upwards,trying to go deeper into his mouth. In the corner of his eye he saw Takao's hand make an aborted movement, stretching out towards his head before clenching back into a fist and dropping to the bed.

 _He's still unsure,_ Midorima thought as he bobbed his head. It was entirely understandable, especially considering how avoidant he'd been of touch this past week.

He reached up, running his hand along Takao's arm before unclenching his fist and bringing it towards his head.

He kept it there, holding it against him until Takao tentatively began to run his fingers through the strands. Moaning in encouragement, he increased his pace, bobbing even faster once both of Takao's hands were intertwined in his hair.

 

Above him Takao whined, high pitched and breathless as he squirmed against the sheets.

Midorima pulled off his dick and wrapped his mouth around his balls. He rolled them gently with his tongue while his hand twisted and pulled Takao's shaft.

Smearing precome around its head with is thumb, he heard Takao gasp above him.

 

“Shin- Shintarou,” he twitched his hips, trying to thrust into Midorima's hand, “Please- I'm. I'm so close. Your mouth. I just-”

 

Midorima moved back up, swallowing his cock down and Takao _moaned._ His hands pushed down harder on Midorima's head, forcefully moving it up and down in time with his thrusts.

Midorima was happy. That he could make Takao feel this good, please him in such a rewarding way.

Takao moved his hands off his head, grabbing at Midorima's and intertwining their fingers as he came.

He made the most beautiful sounds, Midorima thought as hot come filled his mouth. It was his name. High pitched and drawn out and there was so much _emotion_ in it Midorima couldn't help but feel his heart swell.

He licked around the sides, making sure to collect every drop before pulling up Takao's underwear.

Takao was panting heavily, eyes staring unfocused at the ceiling above him. Midorima crawled back up to his place beside him, distractedly wondering if what he did was alright. If maybe he should have waited till morning.

 

Takao turned towards him in slight confusion. There was a blush staining his cheeks and his breathing had yet to return to normal.

 

“What was that for?”

He didn't seem mad, Midorima thought to himself. “No reason,” he said, choosing to look at Takao's ear instead of his eyes. They see too much anyways.

Takao smiled. That small secret smile, like he knows exactly what Midorima's not saying.

Midorima felt his face warm.

Takao lifted his hand and lightly placed it over Midorima's heart, “Is this okay now?” he asked softly. Midorima relaxed slightly, pushing into his hand. No matter how much time or space alone he needs Takao always welcomes him back in the most sincere and open way and there are times where he honestly can't believe the universe allowed him to meet such a bright, amazing, _perfect_ person.

He nodded slowly and Takao's smile grew wider, blindingly beautiful and sincerely happy. He rolled forward, snuggling tightly into Midorima's chest and lightly kissed his collar bone.

Midorima wrapped his arm around him, resting his cheek against his head.

Takao pressed his knee forward, rubbing it along Midorima's dick.

“Stop that.”

“But why?” he asked. Midorima felt a hot puff of air against his chest as Takao let out a yawn. “You're still hard. I could-”

Midorima cut him off. “In the morning,” he said. “We should sleep now. I shouldn't have even woken you up in the first place.”

“Nah,” Takao sighed, “it was nice. I might even be looking forward to more of those in the future.”

Midorima pulled him in closer, “Maybe,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down Takao's back.

The night was quiet around them, settling in like a calm blanket as their breaths slowly evened out.

 Midorima sighed contentedly. It had bothered him at first, that he was so different. But Takao made him feel normal. Comforted him and made him feel safe and secure and _accepted_.

He closed his eyes and smiled softly as Takao snored lightly against his chest. It had only been three years and they had come so far, _he_ had come so far. He found himself looking forward to their future, to their relationship, developing and evolving.

He knew there would still be bad days, even weeks where he would crave space. But he felt that, as long as Takao was there, supporting him like he always did, they would be more than bearable.

 

Takao shifted against him, mumbling softly, “Go to sleep.”

And he did.

**Author's Note:**

> *please be reminded that there is absolutely nothing wrong or different about being aromantic/asexual or not experiencing emotions the way others do because all of that is completely normal and anyone who makes you feel bad about it can go fuck off.


End file.
